Friday, 10 June 2005

The Dastardly Art of Disappointment

World O'Crap link to an article called The Loving Art of Spanking. My kind of article, I thought. Not that I find the idea of spanking anything other than hilarious and the sort of mild kink that even the most wholesome can enjoy.

Really, though, before rushing off in the hope of finding something that would give me 10 minutes of bad jokes and wise-cracks down the Irish Pub, I should have read WoC a bit more carefully. Especially the bit where they say it "still gives us nightmares". This should have been a clue, really.

Because, instead of being the mildly kinky kind of spanking, it's the discussing the optimium dimensions of the rod you don't spare your child from kind. Really.
The rod of correction in Proverbs is not some high-tech torture device. It is simply a stick, a piece of wood. My grandmother from North Carolina called it a switch. (The first time I heard her threaten its use on me, I thought she was planning some kind of electrocution, though I did think that a bit out of proportion to my offense.) A Hebrew father would take a small branch from a tree, one that was solid enough to inflict pain upon application to the hind regions, yet yielding enough not to inflict real injury. I have used a dowel rod purchased at the hardware store, about 5/16th of an inch by 18-24 inches, seems about the right balance of heft and flexibility.

So, excuse me, but I have to go and shower for several hours.

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