Really, though, before rushing off in the hope of finding something that would give me 10 minutes of bad jokes and wise-cracks down the Irish Pub, I should have read WoC a bit more carefully. Especially the bit where they say it "still gives us nightmares". This should have been a clue, really.
Because, instead of being the mildly kinky kind of spanking, it's the discussing the optimium dimensions of the rod you don't spare your child from kind. Really.
WHAT IS A ROD?
The rod of correction in Proverbs is not some high-tech torture device. It is simply a stick, a piece of wood. My grandmother from North Carolina called it a switch. (The first time I heard her threaten its use on me, I thought she was planning some kind of electrocution, though I did think that a bit out of proportion to my offense.) A Hebrew father would take a small branch from a tree, one that was solid enough to inflict pain upon application to the hind regions, yet yielding enough not to inflict real injury. I have used a dowel rod purchased at the hardware store, about 5/16th of an inch by 18-24 inches, seems about the right balance of heft and flexibility.
So, excuse me, but I have to go and shower for several hours.