Thursday 25 August 2005

Spit It Out

James Wolcott reads Pornstar biographies so that you don't have to. He finds a similar structure in each:
  • A DEPRIVED CHILDHOOD
  • INITIATION INTO THE PORN BIZ.
  • ADOPTION OF A NEW IDENTITY
  • WAR STORIES FROM THE SET.
  • HOLLYWOOD-MOVIE-STAR CAMEO APPEARANCES.
  • THE CAUTIONARY TALE UNHEEDED
  • TENDER MERCIES AND RECONCILIATION

Also it seems that much like Shatner-bashing in Star Trek biographies Ron Jeremy-bashing is de riguer in porn memoires:
Female performers harbor their own existential dread: the revolting prospect of working with (worse, under) Ron Jeremy. A roly-poly, well-endowed veteran of the porn scene and the subject of the recent documentary Porn Star: The Legend of Ron Jeremy, he is fondly nicknamed "the Hedgehog." But there are those who fail to see the sexual charm of a human-size hedgehog, endowed or not. He's never quite mastered even the Neanderthal rudiments of grooming and etiquette, compelling some actresses to apply motivational psychology to get themselves through the ordeal. Making her first porn loop, Ginger Lynn realizes that Jeremy will be her inaugural partner. "I looked at him, and I almost left. Then I thought, 'You know what? If I can do it with this guy, I can do it with anybody.'" On Christy Canyon's first shoot, she's agog at the sight of "the hairiest set of butt-cheeks I had ever seen." Hairy-butt-cheeks turns around, and it's Jeremy, guarding the buffet table against poachers. No one had the specter of His Hairiness lodged deeper in her haunted head than Traci Lords, who psychs herself for a lesbian grudge match with Ginger Lynn (whom she loathes as only one porn diva can loathe another) by telling herself, Hey, it still beats having to service a "fleshy hairball" like Ron Jeremy. Later, suffering a combination jet-lag and porn-withdrawal hallucinatory spiral, Lords is pitchforked in her dreams by detachable body parts. "I saw dicks everywhere—dicks and fat faces and beady, Ron Jeremy eyes. It made me crazy."

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