Monday, 19 June 2006

Top 5 Conservative Nursery Rhymes

As you know there's been a recent skirmish in the Culture Wars trying to capture a handful (up to a hundred) rock songs for the right wing. But does this go far enough? Surely we should be trying to invade the minds of the children at an earlier age. With this in thought uppermost, I present some Nursery Rhymes that should really be wrestled from that old communist Mother Goose:

  1. All Around the Mulberry Bush
    Sample words:
    A penny for a spool of thread,
    A penny for a needle.
    That's the way the money goes.


    It's never too late to teach fiscal responsibility.

  2. Incey Wincey Spider
    Sample words:
    Incey Wincey spider
    Climed up the water spout;
    Down came the rain
    And washed poor Incey out;


    A parable, as if explanation were needed. If America's actions in Iraq. Especially if we think of Saddam as the Spider and America as the rain.

  3. Hokey Pokey
    Sample words:
    You put your whole self in,
    You put your whole self out;
    In, out, in, out
    And you shake it all about.
    You do the Hokey-Pokey,
    And you turn yourself around.
    That's what it's all about!


    About as clear a statement of American foreign policy as you can find anywhere.


  4. Hush-a-bye, Baby
    Sample words:
    Hush-a-bye, baby,
    in the tree top.
    When the wind blows,
    the cradle will rock.
    When the bough breaks,
    the cradle will fall,
    And down will come baby,
    cradle and all.


    Health insurance can be a great comfort if you can afford it. Also a timely reminder that shoddy workmanship has always been a problem.

  5. Old Mother Hubbard
    Sample words:
    Old Mother Hubbard
    Went to the cupboard
    To fetch her poor dog a bone;
    But when she came there
    The cupboard was bare,
    And so the poor dog had none.


    Note that Mother Hubbard didn't go crying to Welfare or anything of the sort. She had the dignity to let her dog starve than go looking for hand-outs

  6. Bonus: There Was An Old Woman Who Lived In A Shoe
    Sample words:
    There was an old woman who lived in a shoe.
    She had so many children, she didn't know what to do.
    She gave them some broth,
    Without any bread,
    Whipped them all soundly, and sent them to bed.


    A reminder of days before liberals when a sound whipping was all a parent need to maintain order in their household. Of course there's a worry that this woman was a single mother, but her actions show her as a true conservative never-the-less.

3 comments:

Ten-Bob Dylan said...

I was thinking about the 'Conservative Rock Songs' the other day. Of course just about any song can be twisted to mean whatever you want it to mean (with the possible exception of Everyone's Gone To War and Common People - see my blog!) Then all of a sudden, while sitting in the Wardrobe in Leeds (so-called 'Soul' club frequented by none-more-dull Corinne Bailey Rae) a 'soul-funk' type track came on where the chorus appeared to be - 'why don't we just stop paying our taxes?' It had quite a funky groove (Funkadelic type thing) I wish I knew who it was. Surely a contender for number 1. Even better, the Republicans could use it in the next election campaign. Just loads of pictures of Bush's cronies with the refrain playing in the background.
A few days later Chomsky's in the New Statesman. Apparently during the Vietnam war he was calling for everyone to 'stop paying their taxes.' It always seems to me like such a bone headed right wing reaction to a left wing problem.

mickielove said...

Paul, sounds like 'Wee Willie Winkie' didn't make the grade because of its obvious promiscuous left leaning pinko-homo-friendly bias. Any ideas for nursery rhymes for Gordon's New New Labour as renewing Trident must have a parallel somewhere.

Anonymous said...

Nice story.

: )


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