Not Just "Not News" But Wrong, Too

Being a slow news day or something, The Sun found a bunch of scientists who were willing to pontificate on the perfect bacon sandwich. As always with these stories there's a formula, as if something like individual taste can be so easily defined, and it's this:

N = C + {fb(cm) . fb(tc)} + fb(Ts) + fc . ta

Don't worry about what the letters stand for. They stand for nothing you'd want to judge a bacon sarnie by, just listen to the scientists themselves:

Dr Graham Clayton, who led the research team, said: "We often think that it's the taste and smell of bacon that consumers find most attractive.

"But our research proves that texture and sound is just, if not more, important."

"It also", another scientist failed to add, "helps if it looks nice, too"