I'm like a one-eyed cat peepin' in a seafood store

The title is a line from Shake, Rattle N Roll. Apparently, Bill Hailey must have forgotten that one.

I found this through a discussion on Fametracker, which is a snarky film site that has its moments. The rest of the discussion could be broken down into:

• Ewww... I just figured out what Sledgehammer is about


• Ewww... I just figured out She-Bop/My Sharona/I touch myself is about masturbation


• You know, Prince wrote a couple of dirty songs


• I used to sing [name of song] when I was 5. Imagine how embarrassed, etc

There, I've read it so you don't need to.

Anyway, an old blues song had recently come to my attention called "Don't Mash My Digger So Deep". It was written in the mid-thirties by Bo Carter and goes a little something like:

Baby if you don't like my peaches, baby please don't-cha touch my tree
Baby and if you don't love my peaches, baby please don't touch my tree
And if you don't want me to have your potatoes, don't mash my digger down so deep

Says when I get to use my digger, I use it like I should,
the women all cryin' your old digger, ya know, it digs and feels so good

Echoes, in a way, of my Vanilla Pudding Blues, I'm sure you'll agree. After a little more searching I found some more Bo Carter songs. They were "All Around Man", "Banana In Your Fruit Basket", "My Pencil Won't Write No More" and "Please Warm My Wiener". As you can see he had a singular obsession. They are all extremely funny. I hope that's intentional, I can never quite tell with blues songs.

I present here "All Round Man" in all its glory:

Now I ain't no butcher, no butcher's son,
I can do your cuttin' 'til the butcher man comes
'Cause I'm a all-around man, oh I'm a all-around man,
I'm a all-around man, I can do most anything that comes my hand

Now I ain't no plumber, no plumber's son,
I can do your screwin' till the plumber man comes
'Cause I'm a all-around man, oh I'm a all-around man,
I'm a all-around man, I can do most anything that comes my hand

Now I ain't no miller, no miller's son,
I can do your grindin' 'til the miller man comes
'Cause I'm a all-around man, oh I'm a all-around man,
I'm a all-around man, I can do most anything that comes my hand

Now I ain't no milkman, no milkman's son,
I can pull your titties 'til the milkman comes
'Cause I'm a all-around man, oh I'm a all-around man,
I'm a all-around man, I can do most anything that comes my hand

Now I ain't no spring-man, no spring-man's son,
I can bounce your springs 'til the spring-man comes
'Cause I'm a all-around man, oh I'm a all-around man,
I'm a all-around man, I can do most anything that comes my hand

Now I ain't no auger-man, no auger-man's son,
I can blow your hole 'til the auger-man comes
'Cause I'm a all-around man, oh I'm a all-around man,
I'm a all-around man, I can do most anything that comes my hand

Pure Genius. I hope to be able to sing this at the Blues Bakery next Thursday.

My point? None really, it's just that I find old dirty songs hilarious, the older and dirtier the better.